Hilarious Breakup NotesBy John P.
If there is one thing universally despised, it is a one-way breakup. Surprise, surprise! The internet has captured a few empowered lovers who decided to walk out in their own way! How did they handle the challenge, text-wise?
We did the heavy lifting for you and crafted few of the most hilarious break-up notes from all around the world. It is inconceivable how creative people can get when it comes to serving their revenge, cold.
Sometimes, true love doesn’t last forever. In the case of one man named Paul, his rude awakening is the talk of the town! Not only is he finding out the hard way, but there’s an additional tragedy about to unfold.
It’s not every day that folks see this level of savagery: Mr. Paul will probably never show his face again after this sign, and he is even losing the pet! Publicly lambasted and soon to be dog-less, it’s a hard lesson to share this kind of shame with friends and neighbors. Will he be a better beau, next time around?It’s that time: Read on to see the shadiest, sneakiest breakup notes on the net!
Broke And Alone
Payback served on a golden platter, yes! Steven was driving to work without a care in the world. He never would have guessed he would stumble across this billboard. Who could predict this doozy?
No one before the era of smartphones and webcams, that’s for sure! But Steven was not so clever, sadly. In case anyone wants to cheat on Emily and get away with it, this is a big, bold warning!
Jokes On You
Knock Knock jokes don’t always have the funniest endings, but none have ever been as harsh as this one. Was it really nicer to share the news this way? Audiences are split!
Dark humor may amuse some, but who expects a riddle to turn into a life changing event? Now, the humiliation of text message break up has reached a new level. Text message comedy, this is not!
Have A Cake While You’re At It
Viewers are probably arguing about this tactic: Totally insensitive? Or pretty sweet, literally and figuratively? Foodies are probably in agreement, at least.
Moving to Australia sounds pretty exciting. Sharks, snakes, kangaroos. Maybe even beers with Crocodile Dundee. But this adventure is a solo one, and the news has come via cake. Does the treat itself provide some relief for the heartbreak? That all depends on the recipient, and their sweet tooth!
Good Job Dave!
Dave thought he had it all: A wife, kids, and a mistress. Living the dream! Or maybe, now living a nightmare.
Clearly, the white picket fence is no more, When the disgraced wife found out about lady number two, she took things in her own hands to get some sweet revenge. And revenge she got! Bank account emptied and SUV tarnished this cheater is getting what he deserves today.
Women everywhere probably empathize here. Hopefully, this one is a just bad joke! If this is truly a breakup, it’s pretty cold.
When gals realize they are pregnant, the one thing they need is support. It appears that’s not what this guy wants to communicate today, at all! With a fake phone company text reply, he probably thought he could escape. But he’s not exactly a spelling bee champion today, is he?
Kind Of The Point
Breaking it off often takes courage and determination. It’s hard to anticipate how someone will try manipulation to keep a bad relationship going!
Clearly, this person hoped to use a trick or two. You’ll never find someone like me, he claimed. But playing mind games can only get one so far when things are truly over. The reply was clever! Sometimes, it’s better to never again find someone like the ex. Checkmate!
Get Your Math Straight
Ron may be sweet. He may be sensitive. He may even be great in bed! But one thing’s for sure: He’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. Exhibit A!
Lacking math skills is one thing, but not having a full grasp of one’s native language is very different problem. It’s not a crime, but this lady wasn’t having it. Grammar nazis belong with their own kind, anyway!
Not Very Funny
With this kind of handwriting, many would actually be relieved to end the whole affair. Not only is it barely legible, it also lacks any concept of sensitivity!
Plus this gal doesn’t even get his jokes. Poor Keenen was just trying to make her laugh, but she doesn’t appear to share his sense of humor. That’s important in a match, for many! Better luck next time, comedy man.
My Kind Of Yard Sale
This guy is savage! It’s amazing what people will do when they get their hearts broken. Can anyone really blame the poor guy for trying to make a little cash, at least?
Undoubtedly, the neighbors flocked to this yard sale. What an intriguing sign! Mr. Cheated On seemed determined to get every reminder of his lying wife out, ASAP. And why not? There are some great bargains to be made on such a sunny day!
What A Trick
Some tricks are funny and smart, but some are outright cruel! This poor girl thought she was about to say yes to a marriage proposal. But the truth hurts, at least in this case.
Driving by, it might not have been initially clear what was really going on. But the public humiliation grew and grew as the miles went by! Plus, just six days to evacuate? Talk about harsh, buddy.
The Denial Is Real
Denial: it’s a real thing. Just ask this girl who refused to acknowledge the reality of the words in her face. The man literally spelled out that he wanted to break up with her!
Remarkably, this dumpee blamed it on an autocorrect issue. While that often causes misunderstandings in the digital age, this is not one of them. The love is gone, girl. Reality bites, but its time to face the facts!
At Least They Were Considerate
It’s happened again: An innocent human being just got their heart smashed. And not even face to face. The indignity!
But providing the pizza for emotional comfort is actually a nice touch, for once. Most people just go with lazy texts, these days. Whoever came up with this plan must be a real foodie. There is now yet another reason to date a gourmand. The relationship and the breakup will be equally tasty!
A Heavy Card
Honesty is the best policy, as they say. If this girl thought she would get away with fooling around behind her man’s back, she had something else heading her way. And, here it is.
Sure, it’s a sudden slap in the face. But it leaves no mystery, Just pure truth for a liar. With that extra house key back, maybe Derek or Michael can have their own now!
Take The Hint
Some people seriously can’t take a hint. Yes, understanding that a romance is over isn’t the easiest, but sometimes it’s really time to walk away!
Direct confrontation is always efficient, but the metaphors were a nice try. Perhaps her man doesn’t follow celebrity news enough to know who’s with who these days! In the end, the facts came out. It’s over, just like Britney and Justin. And sadly, like Seal and Heidi!
Take A Look In The Mirror
It’s really a challenge to get more cold-hearted than this person. Messages on mirrors usually pop up in horror movies, but this is even worse!
Time to scrub that mirror clean, if there’s any hope of moving on. It’s clever, it’s pink, and it’s cruel all at the same time. The relationship is done, but there’s a leftover reflection of a sad, single person in the mirror! Soap, please.
1,000,000,000 Sparky Trampolines
Synonyms are great to express love poetically. But getting compared to 1,000,000,000 sparkly trampolines is a bit cringe, no?
Indeed, what started off as a poetic love note took a very surprising turn. The end left no doubt that this was actually a very matter-of-fact breakup note. Erin lost her boyfriend that day. But she gained the freedom to find someone who knows a real metaphor, or two!
Breaking Up With Your Work
Some confusion, right here. Is this girl trying to break up with five guys at once? Sounds logistically challenging, to say the least!
No, this time is different. Maddie is simply is quitting her job at Five Guys, where she worked! It sounds like she had a great relationship with her co-workers. For the culinary novices out there, that’s the burger chain with legendary fries and table vinegar. So yum, truly.
Letting The Neighbors Know
It seems this woman has no shame about her situation at all. And why should she? It’s not like she’s the cheater here!
Bye, neighborhood. It looks like yet another scorned wife who wants to call her husband out. But why deal with things privately when aesthetically pleasing signs are so easy to order these days? Neighbors now have no doubt that this is a woman of taste — and dignity!
Quite The Imagination
Greg may still be searching for true love in a cruel, cruel world, but one thing is for sure: His imagination is top notch! Second to none in the world of breakup notes, even.
Without any clear reason why he has already dated, married, and divorced this ex, readers are left to their own imaginations to figure it all out. But thankfully, he has already split their imaginary assets. What a time-saver, Greg!
Two Birds, One Stone
This Kinder gardener may be quite cold-hearted, but at least he is efficient! Not only did he break up with his ex, but he also managed to wish her a happy one-month anniversary all in one go!
Hopefully, when Delauren grows up he’s realized the right way to go about breaking someone’s heart, but we’ll give him a break since he is only five and all…
Cats Out The Bag
It seems Steve’s gig is up! He may have managed to juggle two girlfriends for quite some time, but it looks like they eventually discovered one another and decided to take Steve down together (John Tucker Must Die anyone?)
What we would give to see Steve’s face when he realized he went from two girlfriends to zero!
Every single thing about Laura’s breakup is straight up savage. Number one- she is leaving him for another man, Gary to be exact. Number two- she is publicizing it so everyone can see his disgrace and the cherry on the top? She did it on VALENTINE’S DAY!
To add salt to the wound she is also kicking him out and leaving his belongings at his parents. What did poor Gary ever do to deserve this!
Short And Sweet
Many things are good short and sweet, breakup notes are apparently one of them. We imagine if this note came after years of dating it would not go down very well, but who knows, they could have gone on two dates and be in middle school!
But we do solute Jenny for her sensitivity in making it clear that she is not interested in Alexander’s friends.
Sometimes it’s hard to find the right words to break up with someone. And when that happens, there’s always the option to borrow lines from well-known movies.
This guy went straight for a Batman line when he cut his romance short. But what’s the most impressive about this situation is that the person being dumped recognized the reference!
That ‘New Movie’
This guy/girl was just unnecessary. You’re already hurting someone by breaking their hearts, why did he/she have to be so mean about it?
From thinking you’re going to go check out a new movie, to realizing you have just been dumped over a joking text. that’s got to hurt.
Right Back At You
Things definitely didn’t turn out the way this dude planned. Getting dumped when you’re pregnant is definitely not an optimal situation.
But I guess being able to throw that back in the face of the person who just broke up with you may be pretty satisfying! We just hope these two made semi-decent co-parents after this drama.
Not An Option
This took a seriously unexpected turn. He thinks he is casually breaking up with his side chick, what he is really doing is exposing the fact that he’s cheating to his wife!!!
What’s hilarious is that at first, she seems relieved, and then what he said sinks in. we can only imagine the conversation that went down following these texts!
It’s clear reading this that the person is truly fed up with being hurt again and again and is not giving any more chances.
In fact, they are so over it they don’t mind throwing in a joke about an autocorrect! The poor person has probably been through so much that a simple autocorrect is worth laughing at. Or maybe they’re just relieved they are finally out of the relationship.
From Jumping to Dumping
This one genuinely hurts to read! Who would have thought a simple autocorrect could lead to the end of a relationship!
All he was doing was try spice up their love life, and clearly, she was looking for a way out… we wonder if they ever got back together after their break.
We’ve had texts, we’ve had pictures, we’ve had billboards, but now we also have emojis! This guy got pretty creative when he decided to end his relationship.
So creative that he managed to convey he wanted to break up through a series of emojis. Honestly, it’s pretty impressive if you ask me.
The Last to Know
This one seriously burns. The only thing worse than being broken up with is realizing everyone knows the news of your impending heartbreak before you!
Whoever this person was breaking the news, they couldn’t have been more heartless and even rubbed it in claiming ‘he hasn’t liked you for months.’
The Wrong Person to Ask for Advice
James needs to learn how to treat people, and rule number one is not to ask your girlfriend for advice on how to break up with someone and then use that advice on them – how mean can you get!
Besides for having seriously bad spelling, Cathy seems sweet and sensitive and we hope she finds a boyfriend who knows how to treat her right!
This one is honestly pretty hilarious. Why she started dating Dan when she was ‘sexually repulsed’ is another question.
Although Dan needs to realize stating the sister of your girlfriend is hot is also a big no-no! these two both could do with improving on their relationship game.
People react differently to heartbreak. Some take it well, some get into the depths of self-pity, and some just get outright angry.
It seems she was the angry kind and did not take very well to the ‘pinky promise’ that they could still remain friends…that’s what you get for dishing out heartbreak!
The Right Priorities
There’s so much to unpack in these texts. Firstly, the fact that this guy is clearly way more worried about the state of his Xbox than the state of his relationship.
Talk about having interesting priorities! At least he can sit and play on his beloved Xbox till the heartbreak wears off.
We imagine this isn’t a real breakup, it’s just so smooth!!! How can anyone break up with someone who is so smart?
We hope for their sake that she did get back with her ex and they lived happily ever after.
It’s The Hair
This guy seems to really have thought the breakup through, even the fact that she may call him ‘little Mormon boy’ (poor thing!).
But never mind the fact that his religious integrity is pushing him to rid himself of temptation, it’s totally her hairdo…
In all honesty, if my boyfriend spoke to me with this kind of ridiculous spelling I wouldn’t think twice before breaking up!
You’re not paying for letters when you text, there is no need to reduce every single word. speak proper English bby!!
Thing Got Crazy
Apparently, Jeffrey has a drinking problem. How else can you explain this ridiculous case of mistaken identity!
Unless this girl has a twin or a doppelganger there is no way to explain how you sleep with someone and forget who.
Kind of funny, kind of mean. When she couldn’t find her man, she seemed to take it to heart and get really angry.
Little did she know he was attending a funeral, for his feeling. May they rest in peace.
This is definitely not the best way for a kind to find out about their parents impending divorce. We see a lot of therapy in this poor girl’s future.
At first, you think she is kicking her poor daughter out the house, then you realize she’s not abandoning her child, she’s kicking her husband out!
It’s super blunt and insensitive, but it is also clever enough that you can’t help but let out a chuckle or two.
We imagine that this is either a joke, or they couldn’t have been going out for too long, but either way, it’s super harsh!
Some people are just unwilling to admit defeat. Like the person on the other end of this breakup. He or she is totally unwilling to let go!
We have to admire the persisting ‘nah’, but people also have to learn where to move on. Why would anyone want to be in a relationship with someone that wants to break up with them!
There are some things you just do NOT do to people you care about. And I would say number one on that list is leaving your ex in Walmart after breaking up with them.
The evidence is overwhelming, people do not leave significant others in Walmart!! Well, I say good riddance.
Fathers are always extra protective of their daughters. So when Jonathan accidentally admitted to his girlfriends’ father that he cheated, things got real serious real fast.
But clearly, this kid has absolutely no concept of sensitivity and no idea how far fathers will go to protect their daughters! Just look at his comment!
Cheaters Get Caught
Honestly, it was only a matter of time until she got caught. I mean, she literally texted her boyfriend inside of her side squeeze!
Poor James actually played along for a bit, maybe just to get more evidence, but things for these two are clearly over.
Didn’t Go As Planned
This is just too good. He/she broke up with their ex in order to make them feel pain and got literally zero reaction.
So much so that they vow to break up with them again! Come to think of it, maybe this was just a really smart tactic to get a bit more time of their relationship.
Another breakup texts which landed in the wrong hands and nearly split up a family.
But it seems Amanda knows how to bargain and will happily stay quiet if her dad bribes her! talk about a corrupt family!
This just went so wrong. You know those butterflies you get in your stomach when you think your loved one is about to say something really sweet to you?
Well, those butterflies got crushed and violently killed when this person served up heartbreak the same time that poor Jacob was ready to propose marriage!
A Savage Wish
They say 11:11 is a magic number to make your wish come true, but unfortunately for his poor person, her dream became a total nightmare when things took a very different total.
It’s clear one person was deep into this relationship and one person wanted out, and all there was left to do was break up in the harshest way possible…
That’s Got To Hurt
You can’t help but chuckle when reading this one. ‘ily’ is commonly used as a shortening of Í love you’, and that what this poor person thought when they asked their loved one to write it out!
Well, they were in for quite the surprise. Apparently, this guy or girl has their own version of the acronym, one that stings a little more…
Hopefully, He Reads the Paper
Social Media may be bad but getting dumped in the personal ads in the newspaper- that is badass!! Kevin Maxey must have done some pretty terrible things to end up being dumped in his way.
The catch? How many people scan personal ads so closely? What if he never sees this announcement? Might make for an awkward visit next time he goes to his ex…
That’s One Way to Do It
Another illustration breakup- this time there is no sweet giraffe, rather a very graphic drawing….not only does he not want anything to do with her, but it seems he wants her dead!
Hopefully, little Valerie never got hold of this, judging by the drawing she is far too young to experience this kind of heartbreak!
Serving You… A Breakup
Someone was serving their soon-to-be-ex a deliciously harsh truth.
While hearing “it’s not me, it’s you” might make the dumped fella extra bitter, we’re sure the sweet chocolate and blueberries combo could ease the pain.
A Priceless Breakup
Jennifer had a calculated approach to her breakup… Literally. If you ask us, her unfaithful husband really earned this priceless breakup.
Not only was the announcement put up on a billboard for the world to see, it appeared on the news! Talk about revenge.
When this woman discovered her husband was cheating on her, she decided to take matters into her own hands. Specifically, she took a spray can into her own hands.
Imagine having to drive around town with this angry message sprayed onto the side of your car! We sure do hope she was worth it.
We share almost everything on social media nowadays, every happy moment, every meal, every outfit… This girl clearly isn’t shy about how much she shares, including the end of her relationship.
Imagine her ex-boo finding out this way! It’s a bit harsh to broadcast the breakup through a Snapchat story. But kind of funny.
A Billboard Goodbye
Bindi clearly wanted to capture her philandering husband’s attention and she sure did.
Just as he apparently shared the evidence online for the world to see, so did she.
Testing it Out
You know, we get it, when you’re not feeling it anymore, it’s best to just let the person know.
But make sure it’s the right person or things can get awkward! When this guy sent the breakup message to a wrong number, he just seized the opportunity to test out how well he did.
When Paul was enjoying his routine drive to work, he certainly wasn’t expecting this.
What a way to find out you’ve been caught!
This guy thought he could get away with his little lie, pretending he’s home in bed while secretly dancing it up at the club.
Too bad he didn’t notice his girl was there too, and totally busted him.
A Musical End
Justin Bieber’s hit song Baby sure struck a chord with a generation of teens.
So much so that this guy decided to use it on his ex as a last attempt to save things. Clearly, the lyrical attempt wasn’t as successful as he’d hoped, but it sure is funny.
She’s Not Wrong
Some guys really do love their online games. Maybe even more than they love their girlfriends?
This girl thought so and decided to break it off, ironically just as the guy leveled up in the game. She wasn’t wrong!
Letting The World Know
One of the most savage on the list is his guy who decided to break up with his girl via social media so everyone could see.
What she could have done to deserve having her heartbreak publicized we can only guess. But #Transformationtuesday just took on a whole new meaning for these kids.
Word In A Picture
Some people are not good with words, especially when it comes to describing tough emotions! This guy clearly is one of those people, so he decides to describe himself on a different away.
Naturally, he thought drawing a picture of him riding a giraffe would somehow soften the blow of him breaking up with the poor girl.
Get It Together Shawn
I don’t really know what to make of his sad break-up note! These two little kids seemed to have had their relationship go awry, but that’s probably because Shawn didn’t talk to her for three months!
Regardless, she certainly put him straight and made it clear that while she wished him the best, he will not be getting ‘mareeed’ to her!!
Just Like That…
At first glance, this breakup letter doesn’t seem so bad. It’s short, sweet, and seemingly sensitive while still being honest.
But it’s the postscript that leaves you with a bad taste in your mouth. The author writes ‘no one has to know we were going together in the first place’ making it seem like she was embarrassed that they were ever romantically involved!
The List Goes On And On
Getting dumped is never a good feeling which is why many people break up with their ex in a sensitive and caring way. Not this girl!
She decided to provide him with a very detailed and descriptive list of all the reasons she decided to end their relationship. Harsh, but maybe he deserved it!