Hilarious Signs Found Only In Texas - themoneytime

Hilarious Signs Found Only In Texas


Texas is the biggest state in the lower 48. That makes it unique, but that’s certainly not the only thing that makes it unique. Alongside a massive amount of space, Texas also has a particular kind of culture centered around football, trucks, cowboys, steak, and, perhaps most importantly, humor.

One way to see that humor on display is to look at some of the signs that crop up around the state. These range from small-town signs that make fun of their low population sizes to no trespassing signs that spell out what will happen if you choose to break the rules. Let’s take a look at 85 signs that you’ll only find in Texas.

Beer As Cold As Her Heart

There’s nothing like a good old simile to draw in the crowds at night. That’s especially true when that simile tugs hard on the heartstrings of its patrons – just take a look at the giant sign below.

Sure, the beer may be as cold as your ex’s heart, but so is the sign! We’re surprised no heartbroken (and mildly inebriated) souls have let off a few rounds at those giant letters. On the bright side, however, cold beer is always a good thing.

A Slow And Painful Death

If the big red ‘Danger’ sign was not enough, then this dry yet compassionate plea to avoid a painful death will definitely do the trick. If that doesn’t do the trick, then we’re out of advice for you.

Somehow the sign makes you feel stupid for even thinking of disobeying the overt warning. Dying itself is pretty bad, but a painful dying process caused by something that’s easily avoided has to be worse. We will heed the sign’s advice and stay far away.

Exhibit 1

Judging by the sign, it seems Texans are very explicit when it comes to explaining just what is going to go down if you don’t obey the signs. We admire the fact that they explained the whole situation in full detail because it makes it easier to imagine.

If you decide, for some reason, to still enter the dangerous area at your own risk, then get ready for a long and exhausting legal battle. Be prepared to see the sign again as “Exhibit 1.”

A Big Noisy Thing…

As we saw from above, the simple “Danger” sign doesn’t do it in Texas – they prefer to explain dangers in more depth. For example, instead of “danger: helicopters,” they gave us the funny sign below.

Instead of assuming that everyone knows what a helicopter looks and sounds like, they went through the (snarky) trouble of explaining exactly what it is – “a big noisy thing with spinning blades.” Once you see or hear that, then you should do what the last line of the sign says.

Life After Death?

Here is a perfect exhibit of one of the more creative ways to warn passersby not to enter. If you decide to trespass here, then one thing is certain to happen – you will find out whether there is a heaven or a hell.

Such a dramatic (and painful) method is not how most people like to go about the issues. Most people prefer methods of prayer and contemplation to think about it. However, if you’re the trespassing type, then this area might be for you.

Pretty Kills

The phrase “guns don’t kill people” has seen countless variations over the years – perhaps most popularly in the 1996 film Happy Gilmore. Well, Texas has another addition to add – one that will make you wary of Texan dads.

This hilarious sign warns all those young men out there that although guns may not be responsible for killing people, mess with one of their daughters and you are certain to find a messy end. The best way to avoid that is by treating their daughters with respect.

Jail Sale

It’s a little less professional than the other signs, but it does the trick. The creator of the sign decided to get rid of some valuables before spending the next few years in jail. Although there’s nothing funny about that, there is something funny about the way he went about it.

Namely, by creating a “going to jail sale” sign. We’ve all seen yard sales where you can pick up secondhand clothes and furniture for a bargain. So, why not a jail sale where you can do the same?

A New Addition to “BYOB”

At first glance (when reading the first line), this sign may seem completely outdated and sexist. However, at second glance (when reading the second line), the true comedic gold is delivered. It offers a whole new take on that famous acronym BYOB – bring your own beer.

The bar will serve you a beer, but they won’t supply you with women. So, if you decide to go there to get lucky, well, you’re out of luck. Best to bring your own date rather than plan on meeting someone new.

The Right Size Of Nachos

“Everything’s bigger in Texas” as the common (and commonly overused) motto goes. Everything from trucks to churches are mega-sized in Texas. This also applies to the nachos – at least to the nachos at the tastefully advertised restaurant below.

Bring your appetites because the nachos are as big as, well, you can read the sign. Alongside being as big as your rear end, they’re also going to cause trouble down there if you end up eating too many. Perhaps stick to a small order.

Second-Hand Vegetarian

In case you haven’t realized, Texans like their meat. Being a vegetarian in this state is not only unheard of (outside of the major cities), but it’s something to be ashamed of – or at least something to make fun of.

We all know the talk about “secondhand smoke” and “secondhand clothes.” Well, the enterprising sign maker above applied the same logic to vegetarianism. Instead of eating the grass directly, they eat the cows that eat the grass. Is it safer or more harmful?

Collecting Rain

You will understand just how proficient this recycled rain gauge is when living in areas that deal with dust. Not your average dust, but entire seasons consisting of nothing but dust, dust, and more dust. In other words, “everything’s bigger in Texas” dust.

Texas has its fair share of places like that – places like Dalhart, Spearman, and Amarillo that were devastated by the 1930s Dust Bowl. Nowadays, it’s more likely to be the deserts that need all the “rain gauges” they can muster.

Saying It As It Is

In Texas, there is no sugar-coating. “What you see is what you get” as they say in the computer software world. The Laredo sign below is a great example of that attitude. Rather than overselling a place to newcomers, they tell it like it is.

The local Laredoans don’t have the time or energy to mess around with fantasies about how their town is. Instead, they let you know that everyone knows everyone and the weather goes from high to low without any warning.

No Holding Back

The small town of Alpine, Texas was a little uncomfortable with its low population. However, getting tons of new people to flock in is hard. Instead, they decided to fudge the numbers a bit to create the hilarious sign below.

Sure it might not pass muster with the math geeks at the census bureau, but it does give a little insight into the humor of the town. Once you add up the establishment date, elevation, population, and zip code, you get a thriving town!

Passive Aggressive At Its Finest

Some places are very happy with how they are. If more people move in, then it will ruin the unique slice of community paradise they’ve created. Austin, the capital of Texas, decided to put that sentiment on a (very passive-aggressive) T-shirt.

To be honest, it’s a fun way to both give a friendly welcome and a friendly (but also funny) warning to not stay for too long. Maybe it’s their subtle way of dealing with the problem of overpopulation and rising costs.

Jedi Mind Tricks?

We’re not sure what to make of the sign below. One way to view it is that they’re separate signs for businesses that share the same space. To the left is the psychic, and to the right is the karate school.

However, another way to read it is that “Psychic Karate” is one offer in one room. That’s far more exciting! What does “psychic karate” even entail? We’re not sure, but we imagine it’s useful for defending against unwanted spirits.

Taco Trouble

Not everything that’s cheap is good. Anyone who has eaten gas station tacos can tell you that – sure, you’ll get full for a few dollars, but you’ll end up spending the rest of the day on the toilet. Is it worth the opportunity cost?

Saint Dane’s bar above knew they were competing with that, so they decided to tell customers why they were different. Yes, their tacos are only a buck, but that doesn’t mean they look like cat food. Your taste buds (and your insides) will thank you for it later!

It’s Too Late To Apologize

Not every person (or every person) is full of confidence. It can take years to develop if it’s ever fully developed. In the meantime, some businesses (like the one below) found a witty way to acknowledge that and use it to bring in the customers.

Most of us are used to “Sorry, We’re Closed” signs, but how often have we seen the opposite? Well, if you’re near the Magnolia Cafe South in Texas, then you’re in luck because that’s the bright shiny sign they use to advertise the place.

Bridging The Gap

This sign leaves us with two main questions. First, what bridge? To be fair, the bridge is probably a little way down the road. If that’s the case, then we blame the photographer. Either way, we hope there’s enough space for a truck to stop.

The second question is “why is “the” missing?” We’re fans of good writing, and this sign is missing an essential word – “the.” Instead of “you’ll hit the bridge,” the sign maker made “you’ll hit bridge.” Was it simply to save space?

Straight To The Chase

If you’ll excuse a tasteless pun, then there’s no beating around the bush here. If you want hair removal while in Texas, then we’ve got just the spot for you (take a look below).

The clever phone number is sure to stick in the brains of hairy drivers. Once they get home, they’re sure to give it a call. Either that or check out the website. In no time, you’ll be on your way to being smooth as a baby’s bottom.

Pee At Your Own Risk

This is one clever, tactful, and funny way to discuss a real issue. For swimmers who share a common pool, a major source of concern is when you notice a warm spot or a change in color while swimming.

This usually signals that someone has peed in the pool. Now in the wide-open ocean, it might be ok. However, in a small pool shared by dozens of strangers, peeing is not cool. As the sign says, keep the “P” out of the “ool.”

Lost In Translation

There’s nothing quite like Southern hospitality as they say. In Texas, that goes far beyond the common “Yes, Sir/Ma’am” and opening of doors – it extends to the world of inanimate objects. If you need an example, then take a look at the sign below.

In this Tex-Mex culture, Spanish is widely spoken. So, instead of “soy milk” being a specific kind of milk, it might just be the Tex-Mex way for milk to introduce itself. “Soy milk” means “I am milk.”

They Make Quite The Queso

If you’re going to be exercising, you might as well reward yourself with some delicious calories beforehand. Queso dips are filled with cheesy goodness and packed with a generous amount of calories (which you’ll work off with all that exercise).

The El Arroyo restaurant has your energy needs in mind. Before all the stretching and namastes at the yoga studio, why not fill up a bit? Sure, it might make holding those stretches a bit more difficult, but it will certainly make it taste a lot better.

Higher Or Hire?

Willie Nelson always plays to sold-out crowds so does that mean a house in Texas always ends up selling? Honestly, I’m too poor to even pay attention. Zing! We’ll let the El Arroyo sign below carry on with the encore.

Touche, sign, touche. Willie Nelson is well known for his love of a particular kind of plant and the feelings it evokes. That feeling is a little like the rising housing costs in Texas. Yikes, maybe it’s time for another job.

I Was There When He Did It

The journalist Brian William is infamous for claiming that he was shot at while aboard a helicopter during the Iraq War. That was false. His false admission became the fodder for countless internet memes. Also, for at least one restaurant sign meant to bring in hungry customers.

With the blowback to William’s career caused by his false claim, he just might have had enough time off to look for side hustles like sign making. If so, the sign above is a gem.

The Dark Knight’s Brightest Day

“Just be yourself” is a common piece of advice given to people who’re about to embark on a new adventure. In general, it’s spot on. However, if you could choose between being yourself and being the world-famous superhero Batman, who would you choose?

The Texan restaurant above advises us to skip the “be yourself” malarky and cling to the Batman identity. Alongside saving the day from bad guys, you also get to live in a bat cave with fancy cars and suits.

American Pie Or American Pi?

A Texas farmer counted 297 cows in the field. But when he rounded them up, he had 300. Luckily, Texas Aggies (agriculturalists) have a good sense of humor. So do Texan sign makers for famous restaurants. If you need an example, then take a look below.

Those puns are delicious – as is the food. One more for the road: don’t be surprised when it’s harvest season and your crops have sprouted square roots. As long as you can tell the difference between pie and pi, you’re good to go.

Greensleeves

Burnt orange is the color of choice for the University of Texas’s sports teams. So when Texan Jordan Spieth won The Masters, one of the most prestigious titles in professional golf, he was presented with an iconic green jacket.

The Dallas-native wore that green jacket (over a burnt orange shirt) to a Longhorns game. At halftime, he and a dozen or so others took to the stage to celebrate. The restaurant above decided to keep the celebration going with a little sign of love.

Asking The Important Questions

Thinking deeply about life’s problems comes second nature to most Texan residents. Maybe it’s the wide-open spaces that allow them to really sink into contemplating the important things in life. Questions like “is there life after death?” “what does it mean to be good?” and, well, the cookie question.

Although it might seem silly, it’s important to think about why certain things have the names they do. You bake cookies, you don’t cook them like eggs. So, why are they called “cookies” instead of “bakies”?

Legend Says…

According to an age-old Native American tradition, the term “vegan” translates as “bad hunter”. In Texas, when you want to indulge in a big juicy slice of beef steak, you might as well jump right in. 

Sittin’ around the porch thinking up all the ways you can cook a salad isn’t very Texan. Plus, in a weird twist of fate, it ends up eating the food that your food eats. To get around that guilt trip, this restaurant suggests chicken and beef.

Friendly Advice

Texas is so huge, that it’s bigger than most countries (Switzerland, Cambodia, and Burkina Faso we’re looking at you). Texas is so big that plenty of Texans spend their entire lives inside its borders.

They don’t refer to the states outside their borders as “The United States”. 

Instead, they prefer to call it “that sketchy place outside of Texas.”

So, when outsiders enter the state, the polite thing to do is to remind them that Texans like their drivers the same as their people, friendly and steady.

Heaven And Hell

Texans, like most Southerners, have great pride in their way of life and their belief in God. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. When in Hondo, Texas, drive as the Hondo Texans do.

Better turn down the volume before you start blaring “Highway to Hell”. Over here, you better “Keep on the Sunny Side.” In other words, slow down and drive friendly – in other words, do the exact opposite of what you would do in New York City.

If You’re Happy And You… Oh!

It is said that one of the easiest practices you can do to put your brain in a more positive frame of mind at any given moment is to go to your “happy place.”

So, when your town’s name is “Happy” and its slogan is “The Town Without A Frown”, anytime you need to brighten up your mood all you have to do is to think about home. Or, if you’re not from Happy, Texas, then all you have to do is remember this happy sign.

Lighter Than An Angel Flapping Its Wings

If you’ve never tasted flan, then you might think the next sign is a mistake. If you have tasted flan, then you’ll know it’s the truth. Flan, for those who’re unfamiliar with the delicacy, is an egg-based dessert that’s sweet and savory.

So, if you believe in a higher power and hope that higher power is taking care of everything, then you’ll be happy to know that there’s a piece of flan waiting on the other side. Called it plate – sorry, fate.

Tell Me How It Goes

The short answer is surprising, yes. However, the long answer is you won’t have the time to learn and perform it before you pass out. Therefore, it’s best to eat with some (knowledgeable) friends or else to eat slowly and carefully.

Whatever your eating style, El Arroyo is ready to accommodate. If you decide to eat alone and eat fast, then you can rest assured that their staff knows the Heimlich. To avoid that, however, it’s best to savor a delicious meal.

So Uncultured

Don’t you just hate it when people are so uncultured as to put their produce with your finely brewed nectar? Talk about being rude. That’s a big no-no, especially in the Texan summer when cold brewskies are as important as water and oxygen.

If you ever plan on enjoying a picnic in Texas, don’t make the mistake of filling up the beer crisper with some iceberg letters or hipster vegetables. Instead, fill it up with beer and keep the veggies far away.

Preaching To The Choir

As we saw from the signs above, Texans (or at least Texan sign makers) have a way of talking that cuts through the BS to give it to you straight. Despite having multiple massive cities, they aren’t fans of city-slicker ways.

They also aren’t fans of people bragging about their workouts. In most other places, people are okay with feigning interest in a friend or colleague’s description of how much they can bench. Not so much in Texas where they’ll have none of that humblebrag nonsense.

It’s Easier Than Putting Up A Fence

Everyone from humans to dogs marks their territory in different ways. Dogs prefer the “pee here, pee there” method. A lot of men do the same but mix it up with the occasional taunt and display of bravado (peeling out in pickup trucks comes to mind).

Many women, on the other hand, take a more subtle approach. As you can see from the sign above, they prefer bobby pins. Perfect to pin up long hair and claim it as your own.

Alright, I’m Done

The world is getting rougher day after day. At some point, it seems like there has to be some kind of apocalyptic event that’s going to end it all. On top of wars and corruption and environmental destruction, there’s, well, botox for bros.

Otherwise known as “brotox.” Rather than letting women have all the face-freezing fun, it seems like dudes (mostly actors and gym rats) have opted to undergo the short procedure. It allows them to maintain a smooth face well into their retirement years.

More Like The Dessert Games!

In certain film circles, the sign below is akin to fighting words. In less violent circles, it’s a tiny thought to ponder for a bit. Way back in the early 1970s, the original Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory was released.

A little more than 40 years later, the first The Hunger Games came out. Although the two events might seem unrelated, the sign above tells us they’re deeply connected. It’s a bold statement that we’re unsure of – how does a tour of a chocolate factory compare to a deadly contest?

Watch the Road

Texans are known for their wry sense of humor. That’s apparent to any reader of the above posts, and will be doubly apparent to any reader who scrolls down a bit more. The sign below definitely calls attention to itself.

But then it blames you for paying attention to it. Keep your eyes on the road rather than fixed to the sign that tells you to keep your eyes on the road! It’s a little bit of humorous logic that makes us wonder who writes all these signs.

Red Bull Gives You Wings?

We’re all familiar with warning labels – “for external use only,” “warning: this product may burn your eyes,” “do not use in the shower,” and so many more. These little “do nots” are there for a reason, perhaps a funny reason.

Enough people harmed themselves after putting products in their eyes or using them in the shower that companies had to warn consumers about the dangers of their products. Also, to cover any legal troubles. We imagine these crazy stories are probably in some filing cabinet somewhere.

AA Meetings?

People get addicted to all sorts of things – video games, illicit substances, gambling. It can be hard to first be aware of the addiction, and second to break the addiction. However, sometimes it happens, as we can see from the witty sign below.

Now, the hokey pokey is a pretty light addiction when compared to decades-long alcoholism or a costly gambling addiction, but it’s still important to celebrate the small wins. Great job turning your life around! Wait, isn’t that part of the song itself?

Not Much to See Here

The truth will set you free. It sure did the good people of Texas. They don’t want to lie to tourists and other commuters when on the road as it could frustrate them too much. Better to tell it like it is. This next road doesn’t feature much, in fact, it features:

22 miles of absolutely nothing. That’s a rough drive – better in a car than a bike, though. It leaves us wondering what happens after those miles are up. Does it turn into a bit of something?

Unwritten Law

It’s important to know your rights so you can avoid unnecessary legal hassle. One of the most famous sayings on TV shows like Law and Order is “Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.”

Luckily, the folks at El Arroyo have an important caveat to add to that. “Anything you say can and will be used against you – after you’ve had your coffee.” Before that right, you’re free to spout off any nonsense you want

Keeping Up

It can be hard to keep up with the newer generation because trends (and in particular technologies) change so quickly. However, some trends apply to all age groups – for example, the selfie. Everyone from grandmothers to presidents is known to take them.

However, they can be bad for your health. To help remember that, the sign above tweaked the old saying, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” Instead of keeping doctors away, a selfie a day helps to keep, well, everyone away.

Hot As Hell

Texas is known for its hot weather. Back in 1994, they recorded 120 Fahrenheit in some towns. Although the temperature isn’t always that high, it does go over 100 pretty regularly – especially in the deserts and concrete cities.

Texas is also known for its religious devotion. Those two parts of Texan culture collided together to form the sign above. In other words, it’s hot as hell down in Texas. Time for Satan to come on up and take the weather back with him.

Sound Legit

Environmental groups have mounted plenty of media campaigns for saving the planet. They’ve appealed to our sense of beauty, our sense of duty, and our sense of economics (the rainforests provide a lot of wealth) to try and get us to change the way we live.

One reason they haven’t focused on is, well, beer. If humans end up making this planet unlivable, then how’re they going to find an ice-cold beer on a hot day. The climate of Mars isn’t right for a proper lager.

Stating The Obvious

Candy Crush is a massively popular online game that most people first played through Facebook. The free game (always a plus) is based around matching three pieces of candy. Easy, simple, and widely available. Also, commonly shared – if you’ve used Facebook at all, then you’ve probably been asked to like or join a game.

The sign above speaks to that in its own uniquely sarcastic way. When you invite others to play, just remember that you’re not the first one to do so.

Who’s Laughing?

Numbers have a variety of different meanings. One stands for, well one thing. Two is two but also about division. Three is usually a sense of completeness (beginning, middle, and end). The most raunchy number out there has to be “69.”

Some goofster decided to put those notorious digits on a speed limit sign somewhere in Texas. However, as you can see below, they put the real limit below. It was only for the laughs. Just make sure to drive 35.

The Dog’s Owner

Many of us are familiar with the “beware of dog” signs that hang from the windows and gates of homes with certain kinds of dogs – namely, the unpredictable kinds that might bite you and never let go. For this Texas home, however, it’s not the dog you have to worry about.

It’s the dog’s owner. Or, more specifically, the dog’s owner’s gun. In other states, that might be a joke sign. In Texas, however, it’s best to treat it seriously. Trespassers beware.

Suicide By Roadkill

Anyone who has driven on highways (especially highways flanked on both sides by forest) knows that animals (especially deer) are known to hop on the road from time to time. That can cause serious trouble to both deer, cars, and drivers.

Why do the deer do it? Well, the sign above spells out the answer – they’re suicidal. Maybe life in the forest is a bit too depressing and grim, so they figure it’s time to end it all by jumping into traffic.

Self-Check

If you’re at all a fan of early 90s rap, then you probably remember (or maybe even still listen to) Ice Cube’s 1992 hit “Check Yo Self.” It features the classic line “check yourself before you wreck yourself.” Great life advice.

Unfortunately, the guy above didn’t heed that advice. Instead, he forgot to check himself. As you might have guessed, it didn’t turn out too good – he ended up wrecking himself. We just hope he takes it as feedback and changes his ways for next time.

Map Fact Check

Signs are everywhere, and often they serve a useful function. If you’re driving, they tell you how fast to go. If there’s a dangerous dog (or owner) at a house, they tell you to beware.

Sometimes, though, signs are not all that helpful. The thing they warn about is already happening, so the warning is entirely pointless. That seems to be the case above. The lake is far closer than 500 feet ahead – it’s 500 feet behind, as well as to the left and right.

Nap Time

There are many things that we took for granted as kids. We didn’t appreciate the carefully cut peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, the endless playtime, or the glories of naptime. Instead, we complained about being forced to sleep in the middle of the day.

As adults who have to work through the middle of the day, however, nap time sounds amazing. The sign above gives a nice little retroactive apology to naptime. Plenty of adults can relate to that sentiment.

Helping Out

Nearly every worker who commutes to work has been stuck in traffic at one time or another. Sometimes it’s due to the fact that so many people are commuting at the same time. Other times it’s due to road construction.

It’s an unwelcome sight that has many drivers white-knuckling their steering wheel hoping that they’ll get through it in no time. In Texas, however, they take a different and mocking approach to it – “you’ll never get to work on time.”

Welcome, My People

The first thing you learn when you’re in the advertising or marketing business is the importance of “knowing your audience.” The road-sign makers of Texas have mastered the principle wonderfully. They decided to break up the road into three main lanes.

All blind drivers to the left, sober ones in the middle, and drunk ones to the right. Now that breaks up the traffic jams a bit. We just hope they have guardrails in between each lane so people can’t swerve back and forth.

Kids Are…

Kids are many things. When they take the crayons to your new walls, they can be a nuisance. When they say cute things like “aminals” instead of “animals”, they can be a bundle of joy. Other times, they can be a number on an excel spreadsheet.

We give two thumbs up for the punning ability of the sign makers above. Sure, kids can be tax-deductible, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t still taxing – of your time, energy, money, and more. For many, it’s worth it.

Stronger Faith

Texas is a land filled with churches – everything from stadium-like megachurches on the side of highways to small-town churches with clever messaging. The Baptist church below is an example of the latter. Instead of assuming that a facelift will fix everything, it suggests something else.

Life itself is an ugly affair, so a simple facelift won’t fix it all. Instead, Mt. Nebo Baptist Church asks us to get a “faith lift.” That clever wording is bound to appeal to the faithful and faithless.

Snow White

Back in the early 1800s, The Brothers Grimm published the folk tale of Snow White. Over a century later, Walt Disney turned it into an animated classic Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. The names of those seven dwarfs were Doc, Happy, Grumpy, Sleepy, Sneezy, Bashful, and Dopey.

With that in mind, the sign above means two things. One is that, in fact, six of the seven dwarves are not called “Happy” – they have other names. Two is that all the other dwarves are unhappy.

Non-Welcome

As we saw from the “beware of the dog owner’s gun” sign from above, Texas has a very unique (and darkly funny) way of dealing with trespassers. If you need another example of that, then scroll your eyes down a bit to the sign below.

We read you loud and clear. If those are the risks, then it makes no sense to walk into that territory. We’d rather live without bullet wounds, broken bones, stab marks, or any kind of prosecution.

You Booze, You Lose

Brunches are great. They’re usually reserved for weekends when you can sleep in a bit and have a meal in between normal breakfast and normal lunch – hence “brunch.” However, the rules for brunch differ from having a bowl of cereal before work.

Brunches are meant to be luxurious affairs that take a while. In other words, those eggs need a mimosa or bloody mary to wash them down. Otherwise, brunch is nothing more than “a sad late breakfast” – and who wants that?

Texas Spirit

There are many ways to welcome outsiders into the unique world of Texas. As we saw a few posts back, one of the ways is to drive friendly, aka “the Texas way.” Another is to advertise the three things your state is known for. The sign below does that.

Perfect. Once you got a beer, a gun, and some hot sauce, you’ve let your true Texan colors fly. Perhaps a 72 oz steak or some Tex-Mex tacos would be nice as well.

A Word Of Caution

A lot of Texans love their guns. Maybe it’s the result of Texas being an old cowboy hot spot back in the day. Whatever the reason, there are many signs that will prove it to you – for example, the sign below.

We strongly advise against trespassing into any homes in Texas. The well-armed homeowners aren’t fans of thievery. After the alarm goes off, they reach for the gun and things get ugly. We don’t imagine they ask too many questions before shooting.
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Any Italians In The House?

Italy is known for making delicious foods and drinks that range from pasta to pizza to coffee. In Italy, the word “coffee” mostly means a small shot of strong espresso. Outside of Italy, however, it means something entirely different.

As you can see from the sign above, it’s basically a fancy way of saying “you paid too much for that coffee.” Although it sounds more exotic to say “latte,” they both have the same meaning. It’s good to keep that in mind when ordering one.

Spelling Fun

English spelling can be a tricky task to master. So many of the words (mostly the words derived from French) come jam-packed with silent and unnecessary letters (“bureaucratic” we’re looking at you). The restaurant poked a little fun at that with their funny sign.

Their food is genius, not their spelling. It’s great to know where they stand – also that they can make fun of themselves too. We’re big fans of self-deprecating humor. Also, we’re big fans of delicious food. 

We Know How To Talk Good

Grammar, the difference between, “Let’s eat, kids,” and, “Let’s eat kids.” Commas can save lives. Remember, every time you make a typo, the ‘errorists’ win. However, if you’re making those typos to give a laugh, then you win.

El Arroyo did the latter. In good Texan spirit, the sign above manages to make fun of itself while welcoming in hungry customers. Although the days of good grammar might be gone, we hope the days of delicious tacos are still here.

Endless Options

Although they may be picky when it comes to WHAT car you drive, when it comes to WHAT speed you drive at, the options are endless! Like the card magician asking you to “pick a card, any card,” you can pick a speed, any speed when you’re in Texas.

Sure, they may suggest keeping it within the speed limit, but it’s just a friendly suggestion. If you end up going 103 down the interstate, well then “what the heck- it’s Texas”.

Size Matters

Seeing Texas superimposed on Europe helps make us understand just how large the state is. It also gives a bit of insight as to why it has developed such a personality. If Texas was in western Europe, it would stretch over eight countries.

Imagine all the differences you’d experience when traveling through eight countries – you’d change languages, foods, music, and more. Although Texas isn’t quite as diverse as eight countries combined, it’s still filled with lots of space, people, and culture.

Hard To Disagree

This next sign sounds like a win-win situation. You get to spend some quality time with mom while enjoying a delicious margarita. What’s not to love? As the sign itself says, the reason mom drinks probably has a lot to do with you.

Raising kids is one of the hardest (and most stressful) tasks on the planet. So, there were probably plenty of days when she cracked open a beer or poured a glass of wine the moment the young ones went to sleep.

I Thought Everything Was Bigger In Texas?

If the city of Austin were to use this slogan as their official welcome motto, then tourist numbers would go up. It provides the best of all worlds – you get to stuff your face with delicious cheese, drink it down with an ice-cold beer, and still fit into those skinny jeans.

Although it’s advertised that way, we’re skeptical of how true it is. There’s only so much cheese and beer you can drink before those tight pants aren’t going to fit anymore.

Since You Asked…

A lot of things in life (and in Texas) can cause. There’s emotional pain on the one hand then physical pain on the other. The physical stuff can range from falling off a horse to getting a cowboy boot to the face to, well, stepping on a lego. 

We don’t know if it’s the most painful thing on earth, but it doesn’t feel good, that’s for sure. Anyone who has accidentally stepped on a nail or thumbtack can attest to that.

What About Sweet?

“Hook ’em Horns” is the slogan and hand signal of The University of Texas at Austin. The sports teams of that school are a big deal in the capital city and in the rest of Texas. They’re most well known for their football team, however, they play other sports as well.

As you can see from above, their basketball team is smart and their baseball team is … sexy? Does that even matter when it comes to baseball? Either way, the slogan applies to all teams.

Absent-Minded?

Southerners are not only known for their warm demeanor but also for their straight-talking nature. They don’t like to beat around the bush with ambiguous signs. Instead, they spell out exactly what you need to do.

Rather than a simple “Caution,” this Texan sign gives the reader a reason why they need to be cautious. Contrary to popular belief, machines have no brains, which is why machine operators need to use their own. It’s either that or risk losing their brains.

Time to Grow Up

Of the many subjects we learn in school, math is the most juvenile. History allows you to learn about the past, literature can help you understand a wide variety of experiences, and science helps you grasp the scale of the universe. Math, however, is different. 

Math ropes you into solving all its problems and equations. What happened to a little self-reliance and responsibility, math? Geez! We’re getting tired of fixing all your problems, it’s about time that math grew up. 

Covering All The Bases

Everyone outside of America knows that Americans, especially in places like Texas, love their guns. However, that doesn’t mean that people are shooting them off everywhere like it’s the Wild West. Instead, they follow a few key rules.

The sign above explains those rules well. It covers all the bases for when to unholster a loaded weapon, when it’s justified to do so, and what will happen if you do it when it’s unjustified. Hopefully, you don’t fall into category three.

Confuse People

There are a lot of stereotypes when it comes to Texas. Being a cowboy boot-wearing Republican voter is one of the most common ones. In the state capital of Austin, however, stereotypes are a bit different.

The sign above advocates for keeping the cowboy boots but changing your politics. It will help to confuse outsiders, which is always a bit of fun. Austin, however, has a reputation for being weird, so it’s a bit easier to get away with it there.

Are You Fast Enough

This next warning isn’t about using your head when operating machinery or breaking into personal homes. Instead, it’s about warning you how fast a bull can run. Some daredevils like to play games with bulls by seeing how close they can get to them while staying safe.

This sign lets you know exactly how close you can get to them. If you’re unable to run across the field in 9.9 seconds, then don’t even try. Getting hit by a bull isn’t fun.

Say It As You See It

This next sign reminds us of the “speed limit 69, just kidding 35” sign above. It has a funny (and subtle) way of cautioning passersby to, well, take caution. Pro-tip – the big words aren’t the most important words.

Instead, it’s the tiny afterthought written at the bottom, “also, the bridge is out ahead.” If you focus too much on the sharp edges, you might have missed that important detail. We wonder if the “caution sharp edges” caused any curious people to test it out themselves.

Really Smart

Cows are known to be smart creatures. They can hold onto memories for quite a long time, develop friendships, and hold grudges against those who harmed them in the past. However, the word is still out on whether they can read English.

That didn’t stop the crafty rancher above from giving it a try. After a while, gates left open can cause massive trouble – cows can run away or predators can harm them. Ranchers and cows should remember to close the gate.

Flat Surface

Texans love to make fun of other Texans – especially when those Texans live in different cities. Although it’s important to take pride in the whole state of Texas, it’s also important to take more pride in your particular patch of Texas. 

If you’re not from Lubbock, then that means making fun of Lubbock. All it takes is standing on a penny to see across the famously flat city all the way to Dallas. Zing! That will enrage all those darn Lubbockers.

Summer And Summerer

If you were planning on moving to Texas to enjoy a cool spring or play in the snow, then you’ve got the wrong state. We suggest you only move to Texas if you’re absolutely comfortable with the fact that all four seasons have the same weather. Hot. 

From the early days of February until the final days of December, it’s nothing but hot and hotter. As you see from above, this can be broken into two main seasons – summer and summerer.

A Problem-Free Philosophy

Fans of the 1994 film The Lion King will remember Timon and Pumbaa’s famous song “Hakuna Matata.” It’s definitely a wonderful phrase. It seems the El Arroyo restaurant thinks so too. They decided to put their own unique twist on the phrase.

It’s a bit more adult-themed than a fun song in a kid’s movie, but it manages to keep a nice ring to it as well. This little jingle pairs well with another time-honored piece of advice, “time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time.”

Food Pyramid

There are many reasons to move to Texas – a love for wide open space, the low taxes, and the friendly people – but “to eat healthily” is not one of them. Just look at the special Texas Food Pyramid below to understand why that’s the case.

Red meat or fried meat is high up on the list. Occasionally you can mix that up with tacos, pecan pie, and ice cream, but if you’re looking for salads and quinoa, then you’re out of luck.

Truck Talk

Texas and trucks go together like peanut butter and jelly (or peanut butter and fluff if you’re a fan of the marshmallow delicacy). Native Texans have a strict understanding of what constitutes a truck and what doesn’t. If you need a refresher, then take a look below.

The trucks with the full beds are “real trucks,” but the half-bed truck below is nothing but “an SUV with a birth defect.” How’re you supposed to haul a load of anything in that?